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Today...was kinda awesome. (written January 20, 2009) [Nov. 30th, 2010|07:08 pm]
[Tags|, , , , ]
[Current Location |Minden, LA]
[Current Music |Roisin Murphy - Overpowered]

Today was actually kinda awesome. We have a new President who gave a pretty good speech. (which turns out to have been written by a 27 year old)

I got free Lancome mascara from Macy's, and it's not bad. The brush looks silly, but my eyelashes are fucking huge.

Oh, and I found $3 on the ground.
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Just thought I'd mention it. (written January 13, 2009) [Nov. 29th, 2010|07:08 pm]
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[Current Location |Minden, LA]
[Current Music |Dyno & Kissey Asplund - Us]

I still have $750 left of my mom's insurance money. I also hate my job. I would like to combine the two and totally fuck off for about 2 or 3 weeks.

No, really.

I'd like to get on the Greyhound and swoop down on unsuspecting friends and family. Why? Because I'm bored and restless. Also because I miss you bitches, even the ones that don't even know I'm writing this.

Well, that and I owe my sister a visit since she got the new house and all, and I can easily visit most of you on the way there or back. I figure I won't stay with anyone more than 3 days, because you know what they say about houseguests and fish.
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Sunday Night Angst: Me and My Car (written December 15, 2008) [Nov. 28th, 2010|11:06 pm]
[Tags|, , , , ]
[Current Location |Minden, LA]
[Current Music |Gossip - Non Non Non]

It's almost midnight and I can't sleep.

When my mom died back in July, the car was essentially left to me for all intents and purposes. It was still in my dad's name, but she was paying the insurance. In his words, the purpose of the car was to "drive me around". Thus, he says it's mine. However, I am apparently the biggest fucking loser on the goddamned planet because I'm 28 with no license, therefore, I don't get to drive it.

My dad and I decided that the car would be best put to use in my niece's hands. She'll be getting her license soon, and it'll keep her hands off of my sister's car. Plus, it's FREE. The trick, however, was how to get the car back to Georgia. My sister didn't really believe the car would make it. It was 19 years old, and hadn't really been more than 300 miles in a single trip. It hadn't been more than 30 miles in the last 10 years, so how could we expect it to go 500 miles to Georgia?

The car made it, no sweat. It did 70, 80, 90 MPH with no problems. The only issue occurred when it needed a jump....before it even left the driveway. Once it was on the road, it was fine. I'm sure my mom's jaw dropped in heaven when she saw that my dad was ACTUALLY RIGHT!

My family keeps nagging me about why I didn't just learn to drive and keep the car because...well, it's mine. Here are the more "logical" ones:

1. I live in a major metropolitan area with a semi-reliable mass transit system. I live 1/2 a mile from a transit center where several bus routes cross. In fact, I live directly between two routes.

2. I work downtown. Parking is expensive, around $200/month at my office. Surrounding lots aren't much cheaper, and parallel parking is metered when it happens to exist.

3. What I pay every month to ride the bus is equal to what other people pay for just insurance, or insurance plus gas.

4. No one in Houston can drive worth a shit. Crossing 4 or 5 lanes of traffic to get to an exit ramp is a regular occurrence. There are also quite a few worshipers at Our Lady of the Orange Light. If I'm going to get in an accident, I'd rather be on a bus than in a car.

5. My household has a working car. If I need a car that badly, I could just use that one.

Now here's the main reason I don't want my mom's car....

It's the ONLY thing that reminds me of her.

I don't know how to be in that car without her in it. In every way I can conceive, she IS the car to me. Separating the two is nearly impossible. My dad bought that car for her. She was the only one who ever drove it, except when my brother or my dad drives it on that rare occasion. It was her cigarette smoke that made the car smell the way it did. It was her keychains that made the ignition off-balance. Every trip to the grocery store, every time we went to Wal-Mart, everywhere we did together was in that car. I know how the car sounded when it pulled up in the driveway; every other car sounded different.

I just don't want the car if I can't have my mom. I can be in the house without her. I can sleep in our room without her. I can be in the bed without her(she pushed our beds together when I moved out). I can get through Thanksgiving, and hopefully Christmas, without her.


They say that if you love someone, set them free. If it's meant to be, they'll come back. My mom's car has been such a huge part of my life that I had to let it go, otherwise it would make me cry every time I came home. I know it needed to go. If it hadn't started after getting a boost, I'd have let it stay there. The fact that it started meant that it had to leave.

I know it won't bother me to see it when I go visit my sister, hopefully in January. It'll look so incredibly out of place there that it won't trigger any sort of reaction from me. Much like my mom, her car is in a better place now .
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My Part in the Democratic Process (written November 5, 2008) [Nov. 27th, 2010|08:10 pm]
[Tags|, ]
[Current Location |Minden, LA]
[Current Music |Gossip - Gone Tomorrow]

So, I voted today as you can tell by my status message.

Allow me to state the obvious and say that I voted for Obama.

However, no matter who wins today, the country is going to change. The America we knew and grew discontent with over the last 8 years won't be the same when January comes. Depending on who you are, it could be a good thing or a bad thing....or just a thing.

McCain isn't going to fix the economy for shit. He's got his Senator's salary, his pension checks, and a Menopausal Paris Hilton by his side. He can live to be 100, he's fucking set as long as his wife's inheritance doesn't go belly up. (And she drifts racecars for a hobby, so guess who's her beneficiary?)

So, what does he care if a bunch of poor people don't have electricity? They're poor. They have it coming. As long as his housekeepers show up to his multiple houses on time to clean them, what does it matter to him?

We can, however, rely on him to do one of the following:

a) fuck up so bad in Iraq that we'll NEVER leave.
b) fix everything in Iraq, only to ship the troops off to Iran ASAP.

So, yeah, unless they get told directly to GTFO, they're there for the long haul if McCain wins. Better kiss them goodbye now.

As for Obama, he'll fix the economy, it's part of his job as a Democrat. Remember how well we were doing while Clinton was in office? Yeah, exactly.

And he'll hopefully figure out how to get at least half the troops out of Iraq by the end of his first term. I'm just asking for half, but I'd prefer all. Now whether he'll re-deploy them to Afghanistan is another matter. I don't have any problem with him doing that. BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE!

And breathe....

Anyway, he'd better win since everyone has declared him the Second Coming of JFK.

No matter who wins tonight, I know this much....a large group of people will be pissed. The question is whether it'll be to the point of rioting or civil unrest, and where will it happen.

If McCain wins, and Black people start rioting, I will be totally embarrassed. That would be the One Thing that would fuck it up for everybody. That's the One Thing that will guarantee that there won't be another Black Presidential candidate for DECADES. It's a stupid fear, I admit, but it's a valid one.

If Obama wins, the rednecks will go batshit. We've already had two failed assassination attempts, but thankfully, they were by unorganized idiots. The next one might not be so unorganized. Again, a stupid fear, but a valid one.

On top of that, we're long overdue for a President to die in office. Some of you are aware of the curse, but let me break it down for those of you who aren't.

When William Henry Harrison was elected to office in 1840, he came down with pneumonia and died about a month after he took office in 1841.

Since 1840, the President is marked for death every 20 years.

Lincoln was elected in 1860, and died in 1865.
Garfield was elected in 1880, and died in 1881.
McKinley was elected in 1900, and died in 1901.
Harding was elected in 1920,
F.D.R. was elected in 1940, and died in 1945.
Kennedy was elected in 1960, and died in 1963.

Reagan (1980)managed to escape the curse, but barely. Remember Hinckley did manage to shoot him, but he lived.

And according to Wikipedia, Bush managed to evade 2 attempts over the last 8 years. One guy was just firing a handgun at the White House. The other attempt was a live grenade thrown at him 3 years ago. Both were less than 6 months after being elected.

That too many near misses, if you ask me. Call me superstitious, tell me I watch "Final Destination" too many times, but no matter who wins, one of them is going to die in office. It may not be tomorrow, or the day after the inauguration, or even a week, a month, or a year, but I see it happening. They both have an equal chance of being gunned down by a crackpot. However, McCain is also old and a cancer survivor, so the odds are very much against him.

And that's why you should never ask about the things that rattle around in my head.
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Interviews Suck! (written August 18, 2008) [Nov. 26th, 2010|08:19 pm]
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[Current Location |Minden, LA]
[Current Music |Roisin Murphy - Overpowered]

Well, they do!

I was discussing this with Raye a few days ago, and I thought I'd share.

Seriously, I don't understand the point of interviews anymore. I never did in the first place. I know they're supposed to be to meet the person that you're wanting to hire. However, I don't feel that you actually meet that person until the job starts.

We get so trained and programmed as to how to conduct an interview (on both sides) that it's a choreographed dance and not a conversation. The interviewer always asks the same questions, and you're expected to give the same cookie-cutter answer that doesn't really answer the question. And if it does answer the question, it's a bullshit answer anyway.

We're all familiar with this part:

Q: Tell me your greatest weakness.
A: "Sometimes I work TOO hard." or some other BS answer.

You know that's a total lie. Why haven't interviewers and companies caught on to the idea that you never really get the truth from an applicant most of the time? Or maybe they have caught on because as soon as you step in the room, the interviewer knows whether or not they're going to hire you. The interview is just a formality.

Oh, come on. Don't tell me that they're not going to judge on physical appearance. If that were true, why do we bother wearing a suit? The job you're applying for may never require you to show up in a suit EVER, but you have to wear it on an interview. Why wouldn't we just show up in a nice shirt and a clean pair of not-jeans and call it a day? That's what I'm going to show in if you hire me, anyway.

I can't play the fucking game anymore. I mean it. I've played it for 4 years now, and where has it gotten me? At a job that pays $150 a week with no chance of advancement or raises. We just got told that there's no money in the budget to pay us more than our contracted hours, so anything I do after 10am is free.

I refuse to go on another fucking interview and shovel a bunch of BS. If you want to hire ME, you're going to interview ME. The REAL ME.

1. I will not wear a suit.
2. I will stop wearing my wig.
3. I will wear whatever shoes are comfortable that day.
4. I will wear a good bra, but I'm not putting on a girdle or pantyhose.
5. I will answer every question with complete honesty.

My true Self is short, fat, black, and nappy-headed. So were both of my grandmothers. So are most of my aunts. The women in my family, on both sides, resemble Mammy from Gone with the Wind. I'm sorry if we're only fit to be on boxes of pancake mix and not be in your offices unless we're cleaning them.

Life, mine in particular, will be a constant battle of the Individual versus Society. The true Self can only be embraced by a society that is ready for them. If your Self is not what Society wants, it will be shoved and squashed and crushed until it is little more than dust. After all, the world is run by Society, not the Individual.

The world is not ready for me.
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10:04 pm EDT (written July 18, 2008) [Nov. 25th, 2010|08:42 pm]
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[Current Location |Minden, LA]
[Current Music |Gossip - Dangerr]

My mom just died tonight. It's not like I didn't see it coming, but it still hurts.

I'm heading home in the next couple of days to help with funeral arrangements.
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In honor of today....(written July 4, 2008) [Nov. 25th, 2010|08:29 pm]
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[Current Music |V.V. Brown - Back in Time]

Notice of Revocation of Independence

To the citizens of the United States of America, in light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories, except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The rt.hon. Gordon Brown, PM for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1 You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed".

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2010.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "shit".

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 8th will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your cooperation.
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Out to Lunch (written June 25, 2008) [Nov. 24th, 2010|08:19 pm]
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[Current Location |United States, Louisiana, Minden]
[Current Music |Dragonette - I Get Around]

So I went to Romano's Macaroni Grill today for lunch.

That was 4 hours ago AND I'M STILL FULL!

I had the Mama Trio: Chicken Cannelloni, Lasagna, and Chicken Parmesan. When you add in the endless supply of bread, it's a fuckload of food. I honestly did not expect them to give me as much lasagna as they did. The one cannelloni I had was small, and the chicken wasn't big at all. Did I mention that the bread is about the size of a large wallet? And that they gave me 2 of them?

Then there was the best raspberry iced tea I've ever had. I wish I could have taken a pitcher of it home with me.

Speaking of take-home, I ended up bringing back one loaf of bread, half the lasagna, and half the chicken parmesan. Oh, and because I mentioned it was my first time there, they randomly gave me a free chocolate cake. I don't eat chocolate, but the principle of getting a free dessert was awesome in and of itself.

As an added bonus, my waitress was great. She was totally on top of her game, damn it. I gave her a 30% tip because she was that good. (You know my ass is poor.)

So now, leftovers are in my fridge and the cake is sitting on the counter waiting for someone to eat it. I'm $23 poorer...and my aunt's going to want the phone bill money next week.

But damn that was good.
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SURVEY TIEMS! (written June 12, 2008) [Nov. 24th, 2010|08:16 pm]
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[Current Location |Minden, LA]

Who did you last shoot a dirty look at?
The asshole who stopped his fucking truck in the damn crosswalk today.

What kind of car do you drive?
I don't drive. I take the bus.

Have you ever had a garage sale?
My family doesn't believe in having garage sales. My mom never saw the purpose in selling her stuff in our driveway. Though she gladly gets up (and wakes me up) at 5am to go to other people's garage sales. She has the same policy with donating to Goodwill.

What color is your iPod?
I don't own one, I don't want one.

What kind of dog do you have?
I don't have one.

What's for dinner tonight?

Nachos from Taco Cabana, and an apple chimichanga.

What is the last drink you drank?
Coke. I really should stop drinking the damn things.

Last time you were sick?
January. I had the flu and missed a day of work. I never miss work.

How long is your hair?
That's a complicated question. When it's wet and untouched, it's almost at the base of my neck. When it's dry and combed, it's at the base of my neck. If I stretch a section by hand, it comes down about an inch past my shoulders. But that's all in the back. The front comes down to the corner of my eye.

Are you happy right now?

What did you say last?
"I'm home."

Who came over last?
Everyone who came over for Memorial Day: my aunt and cousins.

Do you drink beer?
Ew. Weasel piss.

Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted?

No, but I am the mailman's baby.

What is your favorite key chain on your keys?
I dunno, they're all equally bitchy in their own special way.
"Gene Police: YOU! Out of the pool!"
"A woman who wants to be equal to a man lacks ambition."
"Hi. How are you? That's nice. Now get out of my way before I kill you."
"My other car is a broom."
"Don't get mad, get even."
"Eat well. Stay fit. Die anyway."

What is in your pocket?

Who introduced you to your boyfriend or girlfriend?
I don't know. I can't see into the future.

Who is the last person you had a phone conversation with?
Raye, last night.

What DVD is in your DVD player?
Nothing. It will have some anime in there for a while, though. Yay NetFlix!

What do you think of when you hear the word "meow"?
Uh... cats?

What are you listening to right now?
ABC World News Tonight with Charles Gibson.

What have you had to drink so far today?

When is your birthday?

August 28th. I'll be 28 this year.

What's the area code for your cell phone?

Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now?
Ross Dress for Less. (aka Crossdress for Less) I bought it yesterday for $11.99.

Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror?
I don't drive, so no.

How many states in the US have you been to?
Let's see. I went to Nevada on our family trip to Vegas. On that same trip, I spent a few minutes in Arizona and possibly California. I'm in Texas now, and I was raised in Louisiana. I've gone to Arkansas a lot, passed through Missouri on the way to Chicago(Illinois). I've been to Georgia, passing through Mississippi and Alabama. I went to Washington DC, which means I've been to Virginia (and possibly Maryland). And, I've been to New York.

So, 14 or 15. I would like to at least see half before I die.

What are you going to do after this?
Poke around on the internet as usual.

What is something you need to go shopping for?
PANTS! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I NEED PANTS!!!!!!!!! Well, not pants, per se.... capris and bermuda shorts.

Do you like pickles?
No, but I like having friends that eat them for me.

How about olives?
See above answer. But I do like olive oil.

What is your favorite kind of gum?
See above answer.

Do you have any tan lines?
If you want to be technical, yes. I know I'm at least 3 different colors. My face is darker than every other part of my body. The sun-exposed side of my arms and legs are darker than the rest of me.

Do you remember the name of your kindergarten teacher?
Yes. Ms. Jasmine McGee. She's crazy now. It's sad.

Who was the last person to call you baby?
Probably some dirty old man trying to get my number.

When you're at the grocery store do you use the self checkout?
When it's available to me, and isn't a pain in the ass to use.

Has anyone ever sang to you?
Probably, but I don't remember.

Has anyone ever given you roses?
No. They're just flowers. They die eventually. I'd rather they stay on the bush than sit on my table.

If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
Probably. Worse comes to worse, I can go a day or two without food.

What is your favorite color?
Indigo. Not that anyone can tell from my profile.

What color are your eyes?
Black. Or as my dad calls it, chickenshit brown.

What is a compliment you receive way too often?
There is no such thing.

How tall are you?
I am five foot four.

Who was the last person to say they loved you and when?
My brother when I called him for his birthday two weeks ago.

Do you like your parents?

Why did your last relationship end?
Again, I can't see into the future.

Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone?
My mom. She was too out of it to say it back.

Where is the furthest place you've traveled?
Las Vegas, by about 50 miles according to MapQuest.

Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep?
Aw, do I have to pick?

Do you look more like your mom or your dad?
My mom.

How long does it take you to shower?
15-30 minutes, depending on if I wash my hair that week.

Can you do splits?
Oh, hell no!

Can you use the grill?
Um, no.

What movie do you want to see?
I dunno. I have NetFlix now, so the urge kind of goes away once you make your queue.

What did you on New Years Eve 2007?

Was your mom a cheerleader?

What is the last letter of your middle name?

How many hours of sleep did you get last night?
Probably 6.

Do you wear your seatbelt in the car?
Of course.

Are you scared of flying?
Not at all. I just hate how expensive it's gotten.

What do you sleep in?
If it's hot like it is now, bra and panties. Rest of the year, it's t-shirt and random pants.

Do you have any tattoos?
I don't have any yet. I'd like to get one when I turn 30, though.

Have you ever been to Los Angeles?
No, but I'd like to, just to say I did.

What jewelry do you wear all the time?
Big-ass hoop earrings.

What is your favorite song at the moment?
"Chasing Pavements" by Adele. It's my profile song this month. She's the latest in "British chicks that sing like Black women from the late 50's." She sounds like Etta James or Ella Fitzgerald.

What song do you HATE?
Pick any rap or hip-hop song out now. Seriously, any song.

Do you like chocolate?

Are you easy to get along with?
Sure, as long as you don't piss me off.
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It’s Mother’s Day (Written May 11, 2008) [Nov. 23rd, 2010|10:14 pm]
[Tags|, , , ]
[Current Location |Minden, LA]
[Current Music |Ida Maria - Queen of the World]

Well, not much has changed since the last time I wrote about my mom.

She's really only gotten weaker since I was out there last month. She was okay for the week after I left, but things went downhill after my brother came and left the week after that. (He didn't handle his visit there at all. He cried....a lot.)

She stopped trying to get out of bed. On one hand, this would be a good thing, but it could just be a sign she's given up altogether. At least my sister can sleep a bit more soundly at night.

She's eating even less now. They can't even get her to drink a whole glass of orange juice anymore. She'll only a spoon or two of things she used to half a bowl of. Now it's because she can't keep anything down, so the nurse gave her some anti-nausea medication.

She's started having petit mal seizures now, but she's got anti-seizure medication for that too. Her eyes will roll in her head and she'll start shaking like she normally does when she has to pee.

My other sister took her to her townhouse Tuesday to stay for the next month. She took paid leave courtesy of the Family and Medical Leave Act, FMLA for short. Unfortunately, she lives on the third floor with no elevator. They had to carry her up, in the wheelchair, two flights of stairs. You'd think the change of scenery would be helpful, but no.

In other news, my sister went to an auction last Sunday to bid on her dream house. She didn't get it.

Back to the grind.
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